I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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