Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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