I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
