Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
