So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
