That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
