I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
