Betty ford says i'm here all night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
