i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
