Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
