i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
