You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
