I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
