Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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