you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
