in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
