I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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