highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
