She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
