So drunk its hurt
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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