I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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