My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
