She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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