If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
