Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
