Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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