no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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