everyone is single if you try hard enough
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
