dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
