I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
