CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just invented taco cereal.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
