kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
