I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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