I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
