I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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