We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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