We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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