I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
