The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
