made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
