Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
