if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
