im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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