Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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