youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
