I am puke
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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