I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A+ Viking dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
