Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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