Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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