I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
