How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
