thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Alive.
So much puke
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
