Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
