arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
