My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There r osticjed everywhere
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
