bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
