I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
