It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
