took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
