two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
